Mary Ann Hayes

It is, of course, unnecessary to point out that we are buried in snow, not only here in the Pacific Northwest, but apparently everywhere there’s a news station. So, while we’re drowning in the stuff, I’d like to point out the obvious, just for the sake of whining, and share a few facts I’ve never really thought about.

For example — snow shoveling backaches, slips and falls and broken bones, frozen toes, frost bit fingers, cars in ditches, icy roads, and school closures, are just a few reasons why we often feel snow is a negative. There are all the usual things like helping the dog find a place to pee, and the inconvenience of keeping the sugar water in the hummingbird feeder thawed. Not to mention suffering from anxiety over delayed Amazon orders and mail delivery and just exactly when is garbage pick up anyway?

So here’s some more bad stuff. Did you know the moles, voles, and field mice are rejoicing this very minute over the fact that their natural predators can’t find them? Therefore, they are free to gnaw on the bark of trees and shrubs, often killing the plants, then brazenly prance around fat and happy in the spring.

And what about all that road salt? We use 22 million tons of salt a year on U.S. roads. That’s 137 lbs. per US citizen each and every year. It eventually dissolves, becomes surface runoff, and contaminates creeks, rivers, streams, and lakes. This contributes to the degradation of natures ecosystem. We humans are reliant on a healthy ecosystem, so what’s the deal?

Yet snow is also sweet as salve on a sunburn, bringing relief in many ways.

It’s an excellent insulator of the soil. Without snow, extreme cold can freeze deep soil damaging root systems. It helps conserve soil moisture over winter so when the time comes, spring can burst into spectacular bloom.

You know how it is on a sunny snowy day: sunglasses and squinting at all the brilliance. The snows high reflectivity helps Earths energy balance because it reflects solar energy back into space. Somehow, this helps cool the planet, keeping the balance. It’s mother nature magic!

Snow and cold temperatures also keep the insect population under control in summer. Ever notice how we have more mosquitoes and lawn moths following a mild winter? A serious cold snap in winter is imperative for limiting the summer- time insect invasion.

And then there’s the simple beauty of it all. Snow capped mountains, trees trimmed in white, the crunch under snowboots as we walk through the sparkling powder. I am amazed how blue the sky is when everything is covered in snow and the sun is shining. The brightest and bluest of blues. And the evergreens appear a deep, rich, hunter green poking out from under cotton flocking, their trunks milk and dark chocolate showcased against a stark white canvas.

And the snowflakes; each unique, large as quarters and tiny as fairy teardrops. Just watching them float, drift, glide, from the steely gray sky is a joy in itself.

It won’t last much longer, so enjoy it while it’s here.

Later,

Mary Ann

Prescription drugs. Can’t sleep with them – can’t live without them. Sleep aids aside, that’s the conclusion I’ve arrived at after minutes of intense research into the question of why we no longer sleep through the night.

The “we” I am referring to is the mature population of our country. The sixty and over crowd. “We” have a very serious choice to make. You see, there is this thing called “sleep architecture” which involves changes in our sleep patterns. Although we still need the same seven to eight hours every night, the nights sleep we get now-a-days doesn’t look the same as it used to.

We now have “sleep latency” which is a fancy way of saying it takes us forever to fall asleep. Back in our care free youthful years, it was lights out the minute our heads hit the pillow. Not anymore. Now it’s “latency.” So, when you find yourself tossing and turning and sighing for hours on end, be comforted by the fact that science is not only on it, but so aware of our demise that they’ve taken the time to assign a scientific label to it. “Latency.”

Next is the decline of REM sleep. REM stands for rapid eye movement, which simply refers to the active dream stage of sleep. Apparently, it’s during REM that our sleep is the deepest and we gain the greatest overall mind and body rest. It’s imperative for good health, and 99% of us sixty and over folks are on a smashing REM decline. But wait! It gets worse.

“Fragmentation.” Yes; all those times we wake up during the night. We get out of bed for a drink of water, to use the toilet, check the time, read a book, and even day dream, because, let’s face it, we no longer night dream. All the things we do in the middle of the night when we’re supposed to be sleeping add up to one thing: “Fragmentation.” Our precious sleep is now broken into a million pieces like a bleak vase thrown against a brick wall. Shattered.

So, what do the powers that be have to say about all this? Well, they have concluded, and point a confident finger at, prescription drugs. That’s right. If we just stop taking that blood pressure medication and those high cholesterol drugs, and that silly antidepressant or those thyroid meds, not to mention those pain killers and all the antibiotics, or that heart stuff and those anti-inflammatories, etc., we would sleep like kids again. You heard me. Just give up all prescription medications and we are guaranteed to sleep ourselves right to death.

Later,

Mary Ann

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Oh, how I would love to be a fly on the wall.”  Or, “wouldn’t it be great to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!”  And then there’s, “Oh-My-Gosh! I need to be a fly on the wall!”

Fly’s are filthy. They carry a variety of diseases and spread them everywhere. They lay eggs on our fruit, our pets, on rotting flesh, on just about anything. They don’t give a thought to the neighborhood; they’ll let those eggs hatch anywhere.

And then they proceed to eat disgusting things – like manure. You know what it’s like to come upon a pile of horse poop on a nice sunny summer day? Oh, yes. The flies!

Yet, the disgusting little critters are nothing more than disease infested wimps. They have little endurance and only live about 28 days. That’s it. They have 28 days to do their worst.

So, where did that crazy saying come from? Why would we say such a stupid thing — that we would like to be a fly on the wall?

Well, for starters, flies can see behind them; which brings to mind the old saying, “If only I had eyes in the back of my head.” Well, the eyes of flies are so large they see front, sides, and behind them — any old time they want, even all at the same time. And lastly, (and least,) flies are incredibly agile and quick as a blink. Even with huge, over-sized eyes.

So, I have to admit, I actually would like to be a fly on the wall, just one time, regardless of how disgusting I would be. I would enjoy being quick and dodgy and stand upside down on the ceiling. And, I’d love to have eyes in the back of my head, so to speak, for a day. Just imagine not missing a thing!

But most of all, I would love to zip through the door at the very last second to listen in on one of those closed-door executive meetings where the truth is muttered then buried in paperwork full of fake facts, and mistakes are admitted in hushed nervous voices so no-one on the outside will hear.

That is when I’d love to be a fly on the wall.

Later,

Mary Ann

Tiz the season for naughty and nice. For some reason, naughty often wins during the holiday season, preying upon exhausted, over-extended parents, and sugared-to-the-moon, kids.

Yet, this year, let nice prevail! Never mind how Jeremiah shovels in the food with his mouth wide open, or how Aunt Mable expels gas at the dinner table. Don’t even notice how Suzie, once again, brought nothing but her four kids and plans to stay and eat you out of house and home, just like every year. Forget about how Frank likes to spend half the day walking around in his boxers and loves to answer the front door with a drink in his hand at ten in the morning. Who cares what the neighbors think! And don’t take offense to having your extra pounds pointed out loud and clear by Betty. It’s just her way of welcoming you to the club.

Naughty would get grumpy and say things that shouldn’t be said. Nice will keep quiet and deal with the bleeding ulcer later. Naughty would hand auntie a gas-x and ask Suzie where’s the food she surely needs to put in the frig. Nice will simply light candles and buy enough food for everyone to get by until the new year.

It’s that old devil on one shoulder and angel on the other – thing. This is the once-a-year time when being the door mat is equal to being a super-hero. Knock that little naughty devil into next year and listen as Paul McCartney whisper words of wisdom straight to your heart – let it be!

Enjoy your Christmas!

Mary Ann

We’re feeling a bit flounder-y these days. I think it’s a lot to do with age, retirement, kids with kids.Speaking of those kids of our kids, (not that we were,) they’re bounding into the world on handsprings and dance moves and tech smarts I’ve yet to master and admittedly, probably never will. They’re like superheros in grandkid bodies. Feeling low? Just ask one of them for a hug. It’s pure magic. Need a laugh? Ask them a question – about anything. Want help with your cell phone? Hand it over to the one that just learned to walk. She’ll take care of it!

Where did they even come from and how did we get so lucky? It’s overwhelming.

Yet, we find the need to counter balance the overachievers by hanging out with our friends. The old ones, like us. There’s something comforting in watching others struggle to figure out the mystery of multiple remote controls, or how to scan, copy, and print on that one stupid machine. It’s heartwarming to witness others break down in tears and throw their cell phones across the room, or the GPS out the car window. And then back over it.

I think it’s time to get back to the basics – as people our age know it, that is, and find comfort. Gardening. Slow cooking winter stews. Reading books and playing cards. Just about anything else is asking too much of myself these days. Let me go outside and stand in the rain with a good hot cup of coffee, listening to the wind whistle through the trees, and I find contentment.

This old age thing isn’t so bad. Well, I should say this getting just a little bit older isn’t so bad. We don’t consider ourselves old. Old is over eighty-six, we’ve decided. Long, long way to go. Yet, time sure fly’s when you’re over sixty. There doesn’t seam to be a way to slow it down, so I’m resigned to making the most of it. My new years resolution for 2019 won’t be the usual lose weight and get in shape. I’m going to resolve to find good in every person, joy in everyday life, and truth in nature.

Cheers!

Mary Ann

I often wonder how we would ever get through this life without famous sayings. For example; “kill two birds with one stone,” or “you can’t see the forest for the trees,” or even better, “we have nothing without our health.” All true, I say. I mean, who can argue with the fine advise of going for a two-for one? Or how about clearing the crap out of our lives in order to find life, or being grateful for one of the few things that actually counts? These are saying that have withstood the test of time – worthy of contemplation.

Which bring me to this. I’ve noticed how rarely new saying come along to rival the tried and true, but believe it or not, I heard one the other night. While enjoying a lovely evening with dear friends over a great meal, our host enriched the heartfelt conversation by saying, “well, I guess when your nose picking finger gets cut off, you learn to pick with another finger.”

My heart soared. There’s no arguing with the wisdom in that. It was like the clouds parted, the sun shone through, and God Himself said, “now that is a saying to live by.”

Think about it. It could apply to just about everything. Like when our drinking days are over, we still get to drink! It may be nothing more than water, but we still get to drink! And when our arteries are clogged we learn to love being vegan. At least we don’t have to starve. And hey! when we outgrow our clothes, just buy bigger ones! No need to go naked. We can still wear clothes!

The positive energy and truth in this new saying is almost enough to carry me to eternity. Almost. The only problem is how to accept what’s left behind – the remains of an appendage we can no longer use. I wonder what famous saying is the salve for that?

Later,

Mary Ann