The New Not So Old

Retired Extremely Dangerous

We’re not so old anymore, me and my peers. We’re wiser than we’ve ever been, tougher than we ever imagined we could be, and still as physically fit as we were twenty years ago. Maybe more. Definitely more. Oh… and we’re very sexy now. We used to be cute, but now we’re drop dead sexy.

It is no longer a mere suspicion poking around in the back of my mind. It’s a for sure real deal. How do I know this? Because almighty Hollywood has confirmed it and they always get their way. If you have doubts, just go see the movie RED. Never mind that reality is totally out of reach on this one, the fact is, it makes a point that I’ve decided to take to heart; the older we get the better we really do get!

Ignore the ridiculous shoot em up business, the constant riddle of machine gun fire we see while examining our aging idols pearly white teeth and the sparkle in their still bright blue eyes. And for goodness sakes, don’t read too much into how they can take a bullet without it becoming more than a minor inconvenience. Old is wild! It’s out there! It’s what we’ve all been waiting for!

The best part is, it’s a surprise to everyone. The world imagines aging Americans to be weak and timid. Yet people in their fifties, sixties, and seventies and even some in their eighties, are kicking butt everywhere they go.  It’s as much of a surprise to them as it is to those witnessing this phenomenon. Suddenly, sixty isn’t old at all. It’s cool. When you are sixty, you have a mysterious history. Just try and get it out of us! We’re used to being interrogated. (Didn’t know that did ya?)

We are  used-to-be hippies, yuppies, war veterans, or maybe even draft dodgers. We are  recovered pot-heads, no longer dead heads, and used-to-be owners of VW Bus’s with flower power fueling the tanks.

We have lived a life the youngsters around us can’t imagine in their wildest of dreams. We invented Rock and Roll for goodness sakes! Who else can say that? San Francisco means something much different to us than it does to them, and we know what everyone is doing and thinking or even thinking of doing, at all times.  It’s because of our unimaginable past experiences. It’s a gift.

All in all, I’m proud to be in my fifty’s. It’s liberating. I’ve always known I’ve been getting smarter by the minute and better looking with every liver spot, sun spot, and wrinkle. But having Hollywood verify my suspicions has made all the difference in the world.

So, regardless of whatever else slips your slippery mind, don’t forget this; The older we get the more interesting and desirable we are. It’s a wonderful thing being ripe and ready for whatever lays ahead because whatever it is, we can handle it!  Rock on fellow used-to-be freaks.


Mary Ann

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