Filling the Void
Love, Marriage, and the Baby Carriage!
It’s been a while since the kids left home. We were ready to be a couple again, to do our own thing and call an end to the never ceasing parental duties. Yet, we were surprised at how easily we adjusted to our empty-nest. I think it took all of fifteen minutes.
Seven years have gone by since the last one struck out on his own and although we’ve been having a great time we’ve recently felt that something was missing. Or maybe not something, more like someone. Could it be….well, yes, we have to admit…we’ve been missing the kids. A bit of soul searching opened out eyes to the fact that what we were really ready for, was grand-parenting!
On Thanksgiving, our son and daughter-in-law announced they had an early Christmas gift for us to open. The package was small and light. We opened it to find a very pretty picture frame with an amazing ultrasound photograph of our very first grand child. It’s a boy!
I can’t explain how happy I’ve been since the news. I can hardly wait to hold him, rock for hours with him snuggled in my arms, feel the soft fuzzy head under my chin, and smell the sweet angelic smell that only newborns have. Babies are pure magic!
Being a grandparent must be the best. Just think: having a baby without the responsibilities of having a baby! Could it get any better? I heard a saying that having grand-kids is the reward we get for not killing our kids. Amen! There were times…of course, there is an unwritten rule that with all the bad comes the gift of many many goods. This is a major good. In fact, it might be the ultimate.
So, I guess I’ll take a quilting class. Can’t be a proper grandmother without spending hours and hours on lovely quilts. And I guess I should find a little portable crib thingy for when they come to visit. I have a lot of research to do. Things have changed quite a bit in the twenty eight years since my last baby was born. This is going to be so much fun!
Later,
Mary Ann
10 Things I Won’t Do in 2012
I resolve NOT to take this for granted!
Making those New Year Resolutions year after year is ridiculous for someone like me. I’m like a dog on a race track; take the rabbit out of my site and I’ve nothing to keep me going. Same with the resolutions. The end result is so far down the road I either forget or give up before the end of January.
This year I’m going to make a list of ten things I resolve not to do and stick with it. For example: I’m resolving not to go to bed without brushing my teeth no matter how tired I am. I do that sometimes and when you really think about it, that’s just disgusting. Another thing I’m resolving not to do is over eat to the point that my stomach hurts, like I did at Christmas. My stomach would have been much more comfortable if only I’d stopped at full. But Oh No! I just had to push it to the limit – you know, when you have to unbutton your pants so you can breath. I figure I’ll lose a few pounds that way too.
Another thing I’m not going to do is let anyone or anything stop me from reaching my goals. The world throws all kinds of road blocks our way and I have decided to find my way around them no matter what. I’m not getting any younger. It’s time to make things happen.
Also, self doubt is something that will no longer be a part of me or of my life.I’m going to resolve to trust myself. I no longer make rash decisions. I think things through carefully and have enough years under my belt to be trustworthy.
One really big thing is I’m resolving not to be so flaming politically correct. I will take a chance and risk offending a few people for the sake of being true to myself and my beliefs. I’m tired of tiptoeing around the special interest groups when they don’t do the same in return. They are no more special than I am and if they have a right to be heard and speak their minds freely than so do I.
I resolve not to try and look like I did when I was thirty any more. I will not compare myself to women twenty years younger than me and I will not buy into the worlds message that there is only beauty in youth and that that youthful beauty is what every woman should be striving for. This is a lie that has made too many women unhappy for too long.
I resolve not to pass judgement on first appearances. It’s easy to look at anyone and form a negative opinion without the slightest knowledge of circumstances. I once shook my head in disbelief that a young mother actually locked herself out of her car with her baby inside. I judged her to be unfit and ignorant – until it happened to me.
I’m a reader. I love books and always have a couple going at the same time. The problem is, I’ve never been able to stop reading a book I’ve started. I’ve always been obsessed with finishing what I start, no matter how bad it is or how much I am not enjoying. So, I’m giving myself permission to quit reading right in the middle of a book. I’ve wasted a lot of reading hours forcing myself to complete a book I don’t like, so I resolve not to keep reading something just because the rest of the world thinks it’s fabulous.
I resolve not to be lazy and find excuses not to go to church on Sunday mornings. Worshiping in the presence of other believers is strengthening and confirming. I need to remember how happy I am when I’m there even if getting there is often challenging.
And last but not least, I resolve not to drink so much wine. I really can make it through an evening without a glass of wine and the self control will keep those unwanted calories at bay. I love a nice glass of wine at the end of a long day, it’s true. Yet, unfortunately, I also like to eat with that glass of wine and then tend to over eat and pour another glass! Enough!
And so, another New Year and another set of resolutions but with a twist this year. I’m looking forward to the self improvements I have outlined for myself and the decisions made. Every new year is a chance to do better than we ever have before, a chance to surprise even ourselves. What are you going to do? (or not do!)
Later,
Mary Ann
The Older We Get…
A 
A friend sent me the above card the other day – in the mail, you know, the old fashioned way. I love getting cards in the mail. It’s so infrequent any more.
Anyway, the card had me laughing for hours. Every time I looked at it I started laughing all over again. I simply couldn’t get enough. I even carried the card around with me and set it on the kitchen windowsill so I could look at it while I was doing dishes, and in the laundry room when I was folding and ironing clothes. I’d just glance over and start laughing.
I’ve got you wondering, don’t I? It’s a great card, but it’s one of those you have to be a little older to appreciate. It says, “The older we get…the less concerned we are with appearances.” On the cover is an elderly man, I’d say mid-eighties, mowing his lawn on what appears to be a lovely day. His wife is sitting in a lawn chair sipping tea and enjoying being outside in the warm fresh air. I’d say she is the same age as he is.
The hilarious thing about this couple, I don’t know if you can tell, is that they are both stark naked. Whoever came up with this card is so right, the older we get the less concerned we are with appearances, and whoever it is that allowed themselves to be photographed, well, my hat’s off to you!
Thanks for sharing a great card, Ann!
Later,
Mary Ann
Wagon’s Ho!
This is the time of year to head over Stevens Pass and spend a day in Leavenworth. The drive is extraordinary, autumn on display like diamonds in a jewelers window. The river winds around the highway, or maybe it’s the other way around, white water in places, stillness in others, salmon easy to spot.
When my husband and I make the drive it takes us forever to arrive at our destination. We have to pull over continuously to take it all in. It’s impossible to appreciate the magnificence flying by at fifty miles an hour. Colors of fire cover the mountains, rushing water, towering evergreens, traces of snow, all wrapped up in a days drive. And the air is as fresh as a new baby.
Upon arriving, Leavenworth is striking. The Bavarian Village transports visitors into a whole new world. Mountains encircle and tower over a village filled with the constant whir of activities and celebrations. I can hardly wait to get out of the car and begin to explore.
There are a few favorite places I can’t wait to visit; the hat shop being one of them. It has more hats piled into one little store than sardines in a can and the variety is unimaginable. There are a few art shops I can hardly wait to check out and of course, the book store. And then, being a Bavarian town means good food and great beer produced by a collection of first rate micro brewery’s. Just writing about it makes me want a Bratwurst smothered in sauerkraut.
I love the entertainment on the streets. There are people everywhere, activities going on inside and outside stores, restaurants, businesses. Somehow, Leavenworth leaves me in the best of Holiday spirits and puts sheer delight in this chilly time of year.
We haven’t made the drive for three or four years and it’s calling me. I think we should go for it!
Later,
Mary Ann
The Thing About Fall
It’s beautiful this time of year. The changing colors of the leaves, the wind whistling through the forest and the house, and the temperature dropping into the wool sweater zone. Everything changes so drastically in the fall, so obviously and so impossible to ignore. And there is nothing we can do to stop it.
It makes me think about life in general and about relationships. Things change. Our bodies get older, our experiences hopefully make us wiser, and people weave in and out of our lives. Are you ever amazed by the way people change? There are those I’ve known for years yet discover through a turn of events, I’ve never really known them at all. And then there are those who’s lives change so drastically we no longer have a common bond and sure enough, the time comes when you realize you have drifted apart.
I guess that’s why family is so important. We need to know there are those in our lives that won’t fade away, won’t change so much we hardly recognize them, and won’t forget us. Siblings are so important – who else do we know from the get go? Who else do we share those childhood memories with quite like a siblings – memories of the the fun we had with the family dog, those special visits from the grandparents, and Christmases wrapped up in family traditions.
The holiday season can be trying and often brings out the worse or the best in people. I vote for bringing out the best, the very best for the sake of every other family member outside of ourselves. It takes effort but I’ve never experienced a time when I didn’t think the extra effort was worth it. Put on your best attitude and your happiest heart. The holidays are here!
Later,
Mary Ann
Testing the Water
Good Morning!
While the majority of society forges ahead, myself and a handful of others gingerly test the waters. We have an aversion to technology yet we are aware we must surround ourselves with all kinds of technology in order to stay out of the department of dinosaurs. I know people who are there. They refuse to own a computer or a cell phone or anything else modern and awesome. I might be afraid of the tech-y stuff, but I’m blown away by it and constantly try to wrap my brain around it whenever I can.
I admit I almost always need someone to hold my hand as I venture out, as though I were taking a walk on the moon. When no one is looking, I experiment on my own. Sometimes I’m actually successful, and then other times…well, you know.
So, I’m proud to announce the picture above was taken from my very own digital camera and I posted it on this blog without anyone else in the room. I know…most of you have been doing this since you were born. But I haven’t’ and it’s a big deal to me!
I’m going to be taking my camera everywhere I go now, so all the photos from now on will be originals and not someone else’s photography I’ve borrowed off the internet. I hope you enjoy my pics!
Later,
Mary Ann
A Sliver of Significants
I was struck by the beauty of the moon at dawn today. Although it was a mere sliver, it was intensely brilliant, as though making a statement, or several statements.
As the saying goes, great things come in small packages. What might appear to be insignificant occasionally surprises us. Take for example a puppy. A retiring couple we know recently adopted a puppy they’ve been eagerly awaiting; a rat terrier. She is so tiny we were sure to watch our step around her, terrified we’d break bones if she were stepped on. She might be tiny, but the impact this little dog is having on her new parents is enormous! Suddenly, their lives are no longer their own. Their sleep is constantly interrupted, they take her in and out, in and out, cheering on her tiny bowels and bladder. Hold her, console her, love her. She weighs five pounds. Her itty-bitty self is huge.
Same thing goes for babies, of course. We are fooled, as naive young parents, by the size of the person coming home with us. We think we’ll always be the boss of them, don’t we? Yet, as the years fly by, we are blown away by the impact this no longer tiny human being has on our lives. In retrospect, it’s unfathomable! How did such a tiny baby…?
And marriage: the ring is presented in a small box, a box that shouts “This is huge!” through a giant megaphone from a mountain top. It dares a woman to take a chance, turn her world upside down, inside out. Go out on a shake-y limb and hang on for years and years and trust that the limb will grow and thicken, becomes strong and weight bearing and hopefully…eventually…become safe!
It will take years, of course, but the ring, such a small symbol of an enormous commitment, will constantly remind her to look at the big picture in life, the life she had only a fragmented glimpse of, not in pieces, but as a whole. A whole life, not merely a glamorous day.
So, the moon was brilliant yet tiny this morning and it reminded me of a song about the “Wee Baby Moon” I used to sing to my kids as toddlers. It was a story-book sweet little moon. Yet, not really. Although it was all I saw, everyone knows it’s hugely significant. That moon didn’t fool me! It’s no different than all the rest of the small stuff in our world, like a spider that appears harmless or a tiny virus that causes enormous havoc.
It may be a mere sliver of a moon, like so many small seemingly insignificant things, yet it’s much larger than it appears.
Later,
Mary Ann
Letting Go of Control
Have you ever noticed how seldom long term plans pan out? Life just gets in the way and nothing ends up “being” as we thought it would by now. What happened? Seriously, what happened to our economy and our retirement funds? Where’s all that home equity we used to be able to count on?
And why don’t I still look like I did when I was forty? I work on it; work out all the time. Try an assortment of wrinkle-be-gone and youth enhancing creams. Do yoga. What the heck? I’m starting to look like the women I always see and tell myself “you will never look like that!”
And, as long as I’m going to look like a grandma, where are the grand-kids? I’m sick of pretending all those dogs are grandchildren. They’re not!
It’s a good thing I waited this long to get a tattoo. Now I see what parts of me are staying in place so I won’t end up with a saggy tattoo. The end is close enough for me to trust if I have it put it on my “end” it will swing low around my knees right where it is anyway. Hopefully, it won’t get any worse.
There I go, trying to control things again.
This life, I tell ya, is not worth trying to control. Everything but “us” is in control; mother nature, gravity, destiny, God. They’re all out to show us who’s boss and we’re making fools of ourselves by trying to work against them.
Look at how many women get face lifts. So…nature pulls down on the entire body but we go out and jack up the face. Humm…doesn’t it seam odd that the parts won’t match? Why bother? We’re going to get old regardless of how good we look in the process. I’m not being critical, I’m just stating the obvious.
I’m going to head out the door for a good long walk. I’m trying to get my butt in shape for that new tattoo. I’m not sure what it’s going to be yet. Maybe something like Betty Boop, or Jessica Rabbit, or something a bit more realistic like Marge Simpson. Oh, well – I’ve got the rest of my life to decide.
Later,
Mary Ann
How to Dress for Fall in the Pacific Northwest
It was miserable the other morning, rain coming down in sheets sideways, wind howling like a banshee. And it was cold, the first morning I’d considered actually cold this fall. What to wear? I was setting out for an entire day of errands and a long meeting with my writers group. I imagined getting in and out of the car and running for my destination would require an umbrella or at least a good rain coat.
I dressed for the weather, at least the weather as it was at that moment. Wool socks and comfy fleece lined boots for my feet, jeans, a long sleeved cotton shirt with a mixed blend sweater and a rain coat. My hair in a hat – it had no chance at all in the wind as it were. As I headed out the door, I considered running back in for a scarf and gloves, but I was going to be late if I didn’t get going. So, I left feeling uneasy about the possibility of cold hands. I hate cold hands.
My first stop was at a small cafe to meet with my writers group for coffee and a bite to eat before our meeting. The cafe was missing some of it’s usual crowd, I noticed, and it was a little chilly in there. I was glad I’d dressed as I had. It didn’t take long for the regulars to start filtering in, more bodies require more steaming cups of coffee and more food on the grill. It was warming up just fine. I shed my jacket and we all enjoyed our meal.
Next stop was the local Library for our meeting. The conference room was, as usual, freezing. We cranked up the heat and soon everyone removed coats and got comfortable. It got a little too warm so I turned down the heat and considered taking off my sweater, but didn’t.
After the meeting, I needed to go to Costco. My feet were getting a little warm in the boots and wool socks but there wasn’t much I could do about it. Driving there, the rain stopped and the wind became a breeze and the sun came out. I was dressed like an Eskimo. I left my rain jacket in the car and went in to shop. It was the normal chaotic mess in there and I was frustrated just trying to get around everyone. My feet felt like they were melting in my boots they were so warm. Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore and I pulled my sweater over my head and shoved it in my backpack.
Next stop was Target. I only had a few things to pick up in there so I hustled in and found myself enthralled in the whole Target experience. I love that store. But I had a problem – my feet couldn’t stand the boots and wool socks any longer. They were on fire and it was making me sweat like a race horse. I went into the ladies room, took off my boots and removed my wool socks. They joined my sweater in my backpack. Boots with no socks is a little uncomfortable, but it was a little cooler and that was the goal.
Next stop was the grocery store on the way home. I just had a few little things to pick up. I was relieved to find an extra pair of sunglasses in the car. At the grocery store, I hurried around, got my stuff and nearly ran for the car. First thing I did was kick off the boots. My feet could breathe! I felt my temperature drop and relief flooded me. I unbuttoned the long sleeved shirt, grateful that it was cotton and that I’d worn a sports bra.
When I arrived home, I ran in the house and put on a pair of shorts, a tank top, and my favorite flip-flops. Then I went out the the car to unload everything. The breeze had picked up again and a dark cloud covered the sun. What was I doing outside dressed as if it were the middle of July?
You just never know how to dress around here. The plan needs to be layer layer layer and keep a pair of back up flip flops in the car from now on. Happy Fall!
Later,
Mary Ann
Sail Away!
This is my dream – beautiful boat sailing into the clear blue warm waters of the South Pacific. Reality is a little bit different, on more than one count.
Our sailboat came to us “free” by way of an acquaintance of an acquaintances friends brothers girlfriends nephew. It was thrilling! I’ve always wanted a sail boat and my husband could hardly argue with “free”, right? It just needed a little work, just a little – couldn’t he see that? It wouldn’t cost much at all and in two weeks in would be done and in the water. What a deal!
In the months that have past since we legally signed the adoption papers from a guy who could hardly wait to sign it over, our lovely lady has sat at the marina, in dry dock. She looks less than dreamy, her worn old sails wound tightly around the boom, a boom that houses hornets we can’t seem to get rid of. Not that the entire interior was dry rot, just about ninety percent of it I’d say. And it would have been fine without the exterior paint job and new stripping, it just wouldn’t have been quite so cute, and she has to be cute if nothing else. Right?
Our son has been a lifesaver. He has worked tirelessly and cheerfully on “The Adeline,” ripping out and putting back the entire interior of the boat. He has calked, drilled, sanded, reinforced, fiber-glassed, and replaced everything and anything there was, and not because he wanted to; but because it had to be done. Good thing she’s not any bigger than she is. The hours we have put in are adding up to ridiculous, and I have put in about half of what he has.
As we bid each other farewell yesterday, packing up a truck load of tools, replacing lids on paint cans, securing tarps over the boat, we looked exhaustedly at each other. “I’m sick of this,” I had to admit. “Me too,” he agreed. “Mom, if anyone ever offers you anything free again in your whole life, run for it.”
We parted ways, making plans to meet the following week. Weary bones and sore muscles settling behind our steering wheels. I wondered if I’d ever get all the paint out of my hair. I’m sure he was wondering why he’d ever agreed to do this. Yet, the prospect of putting a sailboat in the water on a nice sunny day with a good wind is enchanting, isn’t it? I only hope we live to see the day.
Later,
Mary Ann